It’s Ka Youbi.
Out for some serious fun?
Got to share this with you folks. Amidst the lockdown buzz and the #stayhome #staysafe motto, had to venture out with Amma to shop for something she had been wanting to get for a long time now. And me being me, was not the obliging type. But this time around, no excuses worked. I had to give up in front of her might. After all she is the “LADY” of the house. So we went out to the neighbourhood Kitchen Appliances store and exchanged our GasStove for a new one. Got a glass top in place of a steel one. I have been wondering ever since. Does it even make a food taste better on a glass top gas stove? What part of it adds flavour to the food being cooked – the fire, the burners or the glass top itself? Is it really worth putting in so much thought into a gas stove that is already home and is doing its job. When Amma asked me to make something to celebrate the homecoming of the gas stove, a thought crossed me. No!!! I am an excellent cook. I can make Maggie. The thought that crossed me was this – Had I been #Gaslighting the gas stove all this while?
I know most of you would agree to this. Lighting a gas and Gaslighting might sound similar but are extremely different. Poles apart. But how about we imagine for a while that they are similar and think about the damage they could do to us. No one gets paid for imagining though, but hey, you ain’t have nothing to lose either. Give it a try and read on. Technically we are going to pick up few things which are common in both categories and have our #MANGALMAZA for the week. I am sure everyone here is aware of #Gaslighting. The Wiki says it’s a form of psychological manipulation in which a person or a group covertly sows seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or group, making them question their own memory, perception, or judgment, often evoking in them cognitive dissonance and other changes including low self-esteem. On the other hand, lighting a gas has become a popular thing these days, ever since the lockdown. You don’t need Wiki / Google to tell you about it. All you have to do is walk up a few steps to your kitchen, pick up the lighter, turn on the burner and wham, light it.
Getting back to business, let’s see what similarities these two have in detail.
1. EVOLUTION – Interestingly though most of us know that #Gaslighting has evolved ever since it was first staged as a play in 1938 which was later filmed as a movie in 1944 bearing the title GASLIGHT. And it is almost around the same time that gas lighters started coming into use, although the first lighter was made in 1820s to light cigarettes. Both have completely evolved into a fully grown concept now with the advent of 21st century and as we humans proceed with our technological outbursts and advanced developments, there is more to come still.
2. LIGHT, FIRE & HEAT – Both these concepts deal with light, fire and heat. It needs a light to bring out the fire which eventually heats up things. Ironically in both these cases neither the light nor the fire are visible clearly and one has to give it a closer look and only then one can feel the heat mounting up. If you are someone who can identify lighting a gas and gaslighting from far away, chances are either you are an expert analyst or you are a complete natural at it and have been using them as tools for a long time now without being aware of the fact yourself.
3. TRIGGERS – Just like the twitch of the gas lighter acts as a trigger in lighting the gas, #gaslighters too have triggers like lying on face of someone about their abilities, making them feel guilty about their thoughts and at times even for having an opinion, putting them in a position where they constantly feel the need to check their identity. And at times one has to hit the trigger continuously to light it up. The triggers are not important until someone wants to think deeply and work around it. Could be anyone from the receiving end or the giving end too.
4. AMMUNITION – We all are aware that there is no smoke without fire. Just like there can be no fire without the light and for the light to be there has to be fuel. In case of a gas lighter, there has to be gas filled in a cylinder connected to the gas stove. And in case of the latter, the fuel is the urge to (mis)use his / her power over the rest to emotionally abuse them at times unintentionally and unaware of the impact it has on them.
5. MISHAPS – We generally see that in our households, when something that is being used gets worn off, we try and use tactics of using it to its last breath instead of finding out what the actual problem is. I am sure you all must have hit the gas lighter a couple of times before twitching it instead of finding out if there is actually a problem with it. Everything is fine if it stops working totally and you replace it with a new one. But there have been cases where people had to witness harsh realities of uneven lighting, sudden blasts or even burning down the whole set up. That is when they think it would have been better if they would have checked it earlier. The same is with #gaslighting too. Most of the time it is our well-wishers, close friends and family who tend to be our gas lighters and are totally harmless and unintentional. And there are times when these triggers can become harmful and take us into a world of anxiety, self-doubt, shame and isolation.
Take time and see if you someone has been #gaslighting you. Think about instances where those harmless and unintentional triggers started turning harmful and intentional. Check for signs of anxiety, self-doubt, shame and isolation within you. And most importantly, put a thought on times you have gaslighted someone. If it needs to be identified it has to be done from both the sides. I am sure you will all give it a thought and do what needs to be done. Talking about it is just the first step. Working on ourselves is the next one. Let us all work together to make it a gaslight free community.
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